Procrastination Destination: Inside the Papaverse

As a youngling with limited access to the internet and daily screen time limits that the modern youth could not comprehend, time on the family computer was a high value prize in my house that could only be spent one way: Cool Math Games. However, while my siblings wasted their time on foolish strategy and skill games like Ducklife, Run, and Bloxorz, I was crafting my empire. An ever-expanding food industry run by me and the one and only…

Now don’t get it confused, although my siblings would ridicule me for playing such “simple,” “boring,” and “silly” games, Papa’s cooking games represent a complex and dynamic multiverse full of lore, strategic maneuvers, hearty achievements, love, loss, and capitalism. Few are brave enough to venture outside of the tried and true classic, Papa’s Freezeria, but as someone with a vast sea of knowledge and experience in the Papaverse, I’m here to shed some much needed light on my journey as a restaurateur and introduce you to some new timewasters for this finals season.

The first thing to consider as you start on your path to a coveted Jojo Blue Ribbon™ is that serious chefs don’t work on Cool Math Games because it won’t let you reliably maintain your hard-earned progress. When I realized this (through a top-secret tip from my sister), it transformed my game play as I became extremely dedicated to the survival and reputation of my restaurants. This was made possible through the official Flipline Studios website, made by the creators of Papa and his friends. 

But tragedy struck in the midst of the year of our lord, 2020. All of a sudden, the Papa’s cooking games community was in a state of emergency as Adobe announced they would cease supporting Flash games at the 12th strike of the clocktower bell on December 31st because of supposed “security risks.” However, in our darkest hour, the community came together to brainstorm ways to keep the games alive until Flipline Studios themselves came out with a statement saying that they were going to be switching to a mobile games format, and that Papa enterprises would continue to keep expanding in the name of the capitalist spirit.

Since the mobile game scape has flourished, I have truly evolved to my final stage as “Better than Papa.” At the time of writing, I have completed (that’s right, you can complete them) seven Papa’s games: Sushiria, Scooperia, Pancakeria, Donuteria (which I actually completed twice), Cluckeria, Cheeseria, and Bakeria.

To complete a game you must receive all the stickers, each sticker requiring a specific achievement. This means that all customers have come to your store, all holidays have been played through, all special recipes have been given to you, and as an extra side quest I push myself to attain, all stars have been won in each minigame. In my experience, this usually takes about 127-134 in-game days (if you play your cards right), but with a little dedication, and a lot of motivation to procrastinate your work, you too could have a blossoming empire of tasty treats.

Merry Papamas and have a happy Papakkah!