Procrastination Destination: Sayings I've been enjoying lately

Language is ever-evolving and extremely versatile.

Therefore, we can make anything mean anything. From goon turning from a horrible henchman to something far more sinister, to “bussing” having nothing to do with “bus” and “bussy” not meaning “bussing”, the English language is a beautiful amalgamation of ideas that change their connotation every single day. From looksmaxing to maxmaxing to glittercore to corecore, our versatile language is something to behold.

The tone and context in which you say the words truly impacts its meaning.

Keeping this in mind, here are some of the top-8 sayings I enjoy:

8. “Stop sticking your feet in me.” Something you say when you are distressed and nonplussed with someone.

For example, if your roommate is being loud and obnoxious at night without consideration for you, you may tell them to stop sticking their feet in you.

7.  Anything referencing the infamous trolley problem. You can incorporate this into any situation, however it is perfect to reference during a funeral.

6. “Vatican makeover” - a vague threat implying the usage of Scotch tape (or any off-brand gift-wrapping tape) in a street fight. 

Examples of usage include:

“Have you ever had a Vatican makeover, son?” the man in the baseball hat says, pulling Scotch tape from his pencil case.

5. Additionally, a threat in the same vague vein is a “kindergarten craft project”. It involves threatening a person with a moldy croissant, and being as vague as possible.

“Have you ever had a kindergarten craft project, son?” the man in the baseball hat says, pulling a moldy croissant from his pocket.

These are some excellent ways to avoid a full-scale confrontation, as it will put the fear of God into a would-be attacker’s heart (Note: do not do this). 

4.  “Who’ll be the penguin to my polar bear?” An indirect way to ask to play tag, as it references the Dune-like 2011 mobile game Racing Penguin, where the penguin must avoid the slowly approaching polar bear. 

3. “Ouch, my fallopian tubes!” A way to say that you are preparing for coitus.

An example of this is when a hot person walks by. You need to shout at them, “Ouch, my fallopian tubes!” and they will instantly kiss you on the lips. (Note: do not do this).

2. “Ouch, my spleen!” A way to say that you are frightened. Not to be confused with “Ouch my fallopian tubes!”

If you watch a horror movie and get jumpscared, you can say, “Ouch, my spleen!” People will then look at you strangely and you’ll have to explain to them what the definition of the phrase is.

1. “I love reading content on Wesleying.org.” Something you say when you need to sound cool in a social situation.

For example, during an icebreaker in which people ask you what you like, you may say, “I love reading content on Wesleying.org.”