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Fall is very much upon us here at Wes, and wardrobes have long since switched from the shorts and light shirts of summer to the long pants and warm layers of fall. Over the past few weeks I’ve been bombarded by beautiful sweater after beautiful sweater—it’s made me feel like I need to step up my  sweater game. In hopes of spreading awareness of the situation, I’ve compiled a collection of stories and photos of my favorite sweaters around campus to share with you here at Wesleying. This is the sweater that started my collection, and I hadn’t yet decided to document the story behind each one yet. The story behind this sweater got lost somewhere in the dark recesses of my notes app :( "I think The Gap?" “Really, really awesome Christmas present.” “Something interesting about it is that it had a big hole in it and I sewed it up.” “I actually got it in Newport, Rhode Island, during fall break at a little tourist shop!” I thought this was the best sweater duo. From left to right: "The Gap," "Grandma Spoon." "Dad had it and passed it down." “Flea market, 26th St., New York City with my boy—who just walked by. I think it’s pretty cool because it looks like two eyes imprinted on my soul. Also, my parents hate it.” “I actually just got the sweater handed down to me from a friend because she shrunk it in the wash so today’s my first day wearing it!”

On Fizz, one of the trending topics in the past month was the intrinsic divide between athletes and NARPs on campus. For those who don’t know, NARP stands for “non-athletic regular person” (and those who haven’t heard it before are probably NARPs).  Overall, athletes seemed to be the most engaged in this discussion, calling people “smelly NARPs” and voicing their disgust for non-athletes. However, there have also been many anti-athlete posts on Fizz, with a poll for “Biggest dicks on campus” that listed all Wesleyan sports teams as the only options.  Screenshot of the first three posts Fizz shows after searching for “athlete." The consensus seems to be that people were tired of the debate. Two weeks ago, an anonymous user proposed campus borders for NARPs and Athletes, with Narpia taking essentially all of the dorm housing, Usdan, PAC, Olin, Allbritton, the CFA, and various other buildings. West Athlestan would encompass some of the woodframe houses and Freeman, whereas East Athlestan is implied to be Andrus Field (with the borders being undetermined as of now).  The proposed layout seems to restrict the movement of athletes quite a bit, and does not account for the tennis courts on Vine St. What is your opinion on this “brilliant solution”?

“Hey, that’s my breakfast! #Lola” If you’ve ever seen this photo of Michael Roth, you may be wondering: who is Lola Roth ? (Not to be confused with this cancer survivor .) A quick scroll through Roth’s Instagram reveals the truth: Lola is no ordinary dog. In fact, she is a canine icon. From swimming and dancing to environmental activism and trend setting, the First Dog of Wesleyan University can do it all.   To begin, Lola is a skilled swimmer and aquarian adventurer. She can be found anywhere, from paddling in lakes to jumping in puddles, and even lounging in kiddie pools. January or July, Lola is always ready to be in the water. She likes to remind people that “IT IS STILL SUMMER,” even after the weather has cooled down dramatically. Despite her love of water though, Lola is a bit trepidatious when it comes to the local beavers in her home pond… “Swim? But what if the beavers are in the pond? #Lola” Beyond her incredible aquatic abilities, Lola is also an amazing groundskeeper, dancer, and basketball player. After windstorms, she can be spotted cleaning up fallen branches; she is known to have beaten President Roth in a game of HORSE ; and she has even salsa danced with the First Lady of Wesleyan University, Kari Weil herself! Most importantly of all, though, Lola is a fashionista. In wintertime, she is often seen donning her warm and stylish dog shoes (these are only $54.95! ). These shoes protect Lola’s wittle paws from the snow on Wesleyan’s campus. She even has multiple pairs—we’ve spotted her in black, army green, neon orange, and even purple dog shoes! Lola is even occasionally seen in her beautiful pink puffer, a style no other dog could pull off so elegantly. Rumor has it she's even working with Patagonia on a canine collection!! “It’s very cold, but Lola is prepared” When she’s not swimming, lounging, or perfecting her winter wardrobe, Lola is inspiring the Wesleyan community. As you now know, Lola’s not just a dog—she’s a lifestyle.

The last time the Douglas Cannon was seen was in this 2018 email from Dean Mike Whaley It’s come to my attention that we are not talking enough about what I believe is one of Wesleyan’s greatest hidden treasures: the Douglass Cannon.  Though on occasion I meet a person who shares my love for this silly cannon, I find that most people live in complete oblivion of its existence. Like many other Wesleyan traditions and lore, I think the pandemic has wiped away a good chunk of cannon awareness. However, I am more than aware. The Douglass Cannon has become my latest utter hyper-fixation and favorite pastime. There are days where I cannot work, think, or talk about anything but this cannon, and how absolutely crazy I think its history is. Like a storm, it has taken over my life and riddled me with obsession. My friends don’t even want to get meals with me for fear that I will continue to rant about this cannon’s legacy. It has completely plagued my mind, and like any good sickness I feel compelled to pass it on to you. Allow me to walk you through a brief history of the Douglass Cannon, in all its glory, and then share some of my favorite highlights of its legacy.  The Douglass Cannon, which is a 140lb, 29.5 inch, brass cannon, was dug up on Wesleyan campus (as the land was previously owned by a military academy) by a group of freshmen students and fired in the early morning to celebrate George Washington’s birthday. Thus, a tradition was born.  Originally, starting in the 1860s, the cannon was used for “scraps”, which was a yearly tradition done on February 22nd of each year: the cannon scraps objective for the freshmen class of a given year was to steal the cannon and fire it. A relatively simple task, but the catch is that the sophomore class’ mission was to do everything in their power to stop the freshmen from succeeding. Juniors and seniors could be bribed to help the competing classes. This tradition went on for over 50 years, getting progressively more extreme and often violent.  Students in 1907 in a fight over our sweet Dougy… how precious Later, however, the cannon became adopted for a different tradition, and this is where its history gets particularly unbelievable. Starting in 1957, students began stealing the cannon from the university and sending it to locations and people all over the world. Between this and the earlier scraps, allow me to share just some of the highlights from the past 150+ years.  In 1869, a cannon packed with too much powder shattered the windows of the then library, which is the 92 theater today In 1880 the canon was stolen and SUNK IN THE CONNECTICUT RIVER by sophomores, and after being threatened with lawsuit hired a diver to retrieve the cannon After the 1905 scrap set off a fire alarm, the fire department drenched students with a fire hose out of annoyance for being called for a false alarm Once the cannon started being stolen and taken to other places, its first destinations were Iowa and New York  In 1961 the cannon was stolen and gifted to Nikolai Bourov, head of the Soviet Union’s delegation to the UN, and it wasn’t until one of the students involved unexpectedly DIED that Wesleyan administration found out where the cannon had been taken. Nuts. Students who believed that the cannon was being stored in Dean Barlow’s house in 1962 broke in over 20 times to his basement to the point where Dean Barlow began leaving out flashlights for the students to use just so that they wouldn’t use matches and start a fire. My personal favorite: 1989, a Wesleyan alum and former CIA official created a theft proof base and the cannon was already stolen NOT 29 DAYS LATER.  Other notable places the cannon has allegedly been to: Montreal, London, Paris, the White House, the Venezuelan customs department (?!?), Las Vegas, St Louis, and Appalachia.  The cannon has not been seen to my knowledge since Dean mike sent out an all school email wi th the picture a t the top of this post. His email definitely suggests that the cannon’s activity may be more involved with the administration than we think.   If you want to learn even more, I’d really recommend that you check out the university archives on it or read the wikipedia page . It will be the best 10 min read of your life. I think more people should be talking about the presence of this awesome cannon. I also feel strongly that I need to see this cannon with my own two eyes before I die or else I won’t have completed my full life’s purpose. I hope after reading this article the cannon has instilled a new hope in you too.

Introducing the best online game ever! The rules are simple: 1. Go to winloseorbanana.com 2. Look at what card you get If you get Win, then you win! Congratulations! If you get Lose, then you lose :( If you get Banana, then you banana, IDK There may or may not be another card you can occasionally get as an easter egg. 3. Click Play Again to play again 4. Profit! As you can see, this game is entirely pointless, which is why it’s perfect for exam season! Who needs grades? You just got a banana! There’s also a 3-player physical version where the player to draws Win has to guess which of the other players drew Banana, but unfortunately it’s out of stock. However, the creator also has another card game called “We Didn’t Playtest This At All” which is somewhat deeper gameplay-wise and is great if you’re looking to step away from your computer for a bit.

Needed to highlight here a 2013 video made by users "Betty" and Dan Wissinger on how to do the Michael Roth. I need to see someone doing this dance at a party before I graduate. His bodily control and flow is more than I can describe in words, so just watch it below:

TL;DR: Through convoluted, nearly incomprehensible methodology, he’s probably about 6’1″. But we’re still not sure. Wesleyan’s beloved leader and figurehead posing in a picture with President Michael Roth. President Michael Roth is ~7.55 Roth-heads tall. Lin-Manuel Miranda is ~7.12 Roth-heads tall. According to Google (and through undisclosed sources), Lin-Manuel Miranda is 5′ 9″.   Math. ( (Miranda-Ft / Miranda-Rothheads) x Roth-Rothheads = Roth-Ft) Inches.   Q.E.D.

VANCE (breathily, with longing in his eyes) President Trump... I would love to be your Vice President. Trump leans in close, whispering low in J.D.'s sweaty ear. His breath smells heavily of alcohol and Plan B. TRUMP Despite the fact you hated me for so long? Or the fact that your pronouns are he/him and you're from Middletown? Vance's heart flutters in his chest like the wings of a Kentucky chicken in a deep fryer. VANCE Of course, Donny. It's all irrelevant at this moment. But I'm from Ohio, not Connecticut. TRUMP Oh, I see. You are not a theatre kid like Ben, are you? VANCE (scoffing) Of course not. I've never been to the Shapiro Writing Center in my life. Trump marvels at Vance's Barbie-esque face and thinks of giving Vance more Botox and plastic surgery. He imagines Vance shrieking with delight as his wrinkles disappear. It simply tickles his own fancy. Vance moves away, and Trump has tears in his eyes. Vance would avert his eyes, but he cannot. VANCE Sorry Don, just a second. I'm getting a call from FOX News. I need to interview about me being a 1984 kid and how nostalgic I am for 1972. TRUMP (cupping his bullet ear like a modern-day Van Gogh). No! I must whisper savory nothings into your ear for the rest of my fucking life. VANCE But I need-- TRUMP (whining) I don't care what you need, Vance! I don't care what anyone needs! What matters is that I need something! Vance reluctantly obliges. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- HOSPITAL - 3 AM - 9 MONTHS AFTERWARDS Trump lies in a hospital bed. He sobs. His miscarriage breaks him from the inside out Vance stands next to him, a loyal father. Next to Vance stands Elon, who takes Trump's meaty hand in his own. ELON I'll take you to Mars in a Cybertruck, my little Trumpy boy-toy. We can forget this all happened. TRUMP (whimpering) "But... who is the father to my dead heir?" Elon shoots Vance a look. Vance glares back. VANCE Nice try, apartheid, but I am the father. ELON You may be the father to a half-human half-couch, but I am the father to this dead thing, along with my other child, [deadname]. VANCE If you hadn't spread your legs for him-- Trump interrupts with a wail. TRUMP I think my daughter got me pregnant! VANCE No... That couldn't be it. TRUMP Ivanka... Trump looks away, but he is unashamed. It is impossible for him to be ashamed. VANCE How could you cheat on us? I'm okay with the incest but I wish you had told me! TRUMP For Project 2025. I made sure of it... To show my dictator friends how serious I was... I did not realize that Project 2025 included me getting pregnant. ELON Don't worry. I will make sure the word is spread and build you a Trumpmobile. In the meantime, let's go to space and fuck martians while fucking the rest of humanity figuratively. TRUMP Okay, Lonny. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ IN A SHITTY SPACECRAFT IN SPACE Trump screams in both pleasure and pain. The crew of the Muskcraft is panicking. The spacecraft was caught by a solar flare. There is no explanation because it is a science fiction story--the type that has no scientific basis, just like Trump during COVID. ELON This was not supposed to happen! VANCE I thought we were advancing as a species, not going to hell! Get it? Ad- Vance - ing? Like my name? Vance laughs maniacally like he always does. TRUMP I hate you both! He screams in pain from the 5,944,738,039 degrees (Fahrenheit, not Celsius, because he is super American). ELON I'm trying to pour a bunch of water inside the Muskcraft and it's not working! Elon tries to pour a bunch of water inside the Muskcraft and, as prophesized, it does not work. TRUMP I was going to go to Mars and fuck the martians! Trump gives Elon a smack on the face (up for interpretation). VANCE So was I! Vance gives Trump a smack on the ass (up for interpretation). TRUMP It's those damn Dems! They all die in a blaze of passion like the Wicked Witch of the West and have cartoonish X's on their eyes, reminiscent of the new Twitter logo. THE END.

If Fizz ever shuts down, this series could be a valuable historical document as to what the app (and Wesleyan’s online culture) was like—unless our servers get wiped again , of course. So I’d like to use this space to present something of a Fizz Hall of Fame, featuring some of the app’s most popular posts by various metrics. (All of this is from my own record-keeping, so any errors are on me.) 10 Most Upvoted:  I was gonna put this in for completeness’s sake, but the top 10 has changed so much in the last few weeks that this would become outdated in no time at all. The #1 post hasn’t changed in a while though: 10 Most Downvoted:  AKA the “Satan List,” as it was dubbed by another Fizzer when I brought up my collection of the most downvoted posts: 10. For once, someone’s attempt at karma farming backfired. More like this please. 9. I can’t help but wonder if this person was trying  to get as many downvotes as possible for this obviously bad take. 8. READ THE ROOM — in no way did the encampment “simulate the reality in Gaza.” We’re talking about the difference between a literal war zone and a college you’re paying $85,000 to attend. Ten bucks says this was one of the people who ordered DoorDash to their tent when they were like 50 yards from Usdan. 7. Found Ben Shapiro’s alt 6. megamind.jpg 5. As a popsicle-stick-built Wesleyan guy, this just makes me not want to go to the gym in the first place. Checkmate! 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeftie7axUs   3. This is also the most-refizzed post I’ve seen. 2. Look, I helped the Instagram Egg set the world record, but that isn’t an event you can replicate. They didn’t even use the actual egg photo . (The egg’s record has since been passed by Lionel Messi’s post celebrating his 2022 World Cup win.) 1. I’m honestly surprised to see this become the most-downvoted post. People have posted this sort of thing before and it hasn’t gotten nearly as many downvotes. Most Comments:  No good deed goes unpunished… Most Upvoted Comment:  yeah i dunno this one actually Most Downvoted Comment: Best Marketplace Listings: I’ve never actually bought anything on Fizz Marketplace, I just bookmark the funniest listings. My Proudest Moment on Fizz:  When someone said my post was their “favorite Fizz post ever” Most Underrated Post:  This meme died way too quickly BONUS: What’s the deal with Helio? While Fizz is probably the most popular anonymous social media app on the Wesleyan campus (going by upvote counts), I should probably mention Helio, which is a fourth  app with practically identical functionality. I think it was called “Better Social” at one point, but a much better name would’ve been “the wish.com version of Fizz.” It has far fewer users, and its associated Instagram account (the misleadingly-named @wesleyan.confessions ) is clearly run by a person who doesn’t even go here  (if it even is a human posting to the account). I mean, get a load of these posts: “Weekend nights with gym close is crazy… Why Ksc close at six on weekends?” (KSC is a building at Wellesley College.) “im so tired of ppl coming on here and complaining about how [they] miss men or wish they went to a party school like??? what were u expecting use ur brain” (Last I checked, Wesleyan is not an all-girls school. Again, that’s Wellesley College.) “JFC I thought this account was supposed to be a fun follow. Just melodramatic, masturbatory whining.” (The fact that this made it onto the Instagram seems to back up the bot theory.)

The residents of 261 Pine lookin’ cute After a short hiatus due to being crazy busy, we’re back with the final ThesisCrazy installment, and it’s a special one too!! This article features three of the residents of 261 Pine Street; we have Phie Jacobs ’22 sharing their ~pertinent~ novella on a fictional disease pandemic, Kevin Le ’22 reveals the mind of a poet, and our very own head editor maury , Margaret Fitch ’22 talks about hybridizing the personal and the academic in her thesis about music performance anxiety! Interviews by soap and maury Margaret Fitch ‘22 , (she/her) Music/Biology Double Major, Thesis in Music, Carrel #403 Working Title: “What’s Wrong With Me? An Investigation into the Phenomenon of Music Performance Anxiety” On her topic: “It’s an investigation into music performance anxiety, but it’s sort of done in a unique way where I am fusing both a lot of academic research that I’ve done and personal anecdotes from my personal experience, because I have really severe music performance anxiety. I have three little interludes that are just personal writing, but then I’ve also read some memoirs from various musicians and I’m including their perspectives as well, so it’s really kind of a mish-mash of different things that I feel like comes together pretty well.” On how she thought of her topic: “It really just came from me. While I was in high school I was in a very intense competitive music program. I played clarinet, and there was a while there when I thought I might go to music school but then I was like ‘Wait I’m too anxious, I wouldn’t be able to do auditions.’ So I gave that up and went to a liberal arts college because I wanted to be able to do music while doing the science I wanted to do as a career. Once I got here, I was like, ‘Oh, you can do music just like, casually? For fun?’ That was a mind blowing thing, and so the past four years have been me unwrapping the mess that was my music performance anxiety that I wasn’t able to acknowledge until I got distance from the environment that really fueled it. Basically I wrote this because I wanted to actually figure it out. I wanted to really know what was going on and what other people were experiencing too. It was a self-enlightenment kind of thing.” On her progress: “Done!! I have my two folders with my reader copies in my backpack right now and I’m gonna go submit it after this interview, which is really exciting. I finished my first draft at the end of January so I’ve been editing for a while, and over the past few weeks it’s really just been getting emotionally ready to let it go.” On her current mental state: “Good, yeah. I feel happy! I got a little bit emotional when I was printing it out yesterday because I was like ‘Oh, there it is!’ So yeah, I feel really good. I’m really happy with it and I’m really really proud of it.” How many pages is it? “97 with the title page.” On her most upsetting thesis experience: “I did. Probably in October I figured this out. There is this woman named Dianna Kenny who is a psychologist from Australia and in the 2000s and early 2010s she did a huge amount of music performance anxiety research. Her stuff is really important, she’s cited everywhere, and she’s just one of the giants in the field. So I was going to her website to cite something or whatever and I found out that in the past five years or so she has pivoted from studying music performance anxiety to trying to invalidate the experience of trans kids. It’s all pro conversion therapy stuff and like, ‘this is how you deal with the gender ‘disaster’ that is happening to our children right now.’ So I was reading this and I was totally losing my mind––I was so upset I called my boyfriend, like, screaming, and then I sent my advisor a frantic email that was like ‘what do I do, this is incredibly upsetting, I feel like I can’t use her stuff.’ But we came to the conclusion that if I didn’t use her stuff there would have just been this giant hole in the paper, so after I calmed down I ended up putting a little disclaimer note at the beginning of my bibliography that’s basically like, ‘Hey, fuck this bitch now, but like her stuff is important for the study of music performance anxiety.’” On her favorite form of procrastination: “Writing for Wesleying is a very big one. I’ll sit down in my carrel and think, ‘Hmm I don’t wanna write that,’ and then I’ll write some jokey nonsense instead. Certainly in the last couple weeks doing ThesisCrazy stuff, interviewing the people and making the posts, has been big. And then also playing video games. This semester I was finally able to get a PS5, and that’s been great for my mental health but not so great for my productivity.” Do you think you’ll miss writing for Wesleying? “Yeah! I’m sad to move on because it’s such a fun outlet, but once this thesis is done I want to make a couple more fun posts before I graduate.” On her plans for April 14/after she hands her thesis in:  “I do! Champagne at Olin of course, and then me and my housemates like to do charcuterie wine and cheese nights, so we’re gonna have the biggest and most elaborate charcuterie we’ve ever had.” Her advice for future thesis writers:  “I think besides the usual like-your-advisor and like-your-topic sort of advice, I’d say one of the unique things about my thesis is that rather than writing the big three chapters that a lot of theses are organized into, it’s in like ten different smaller chapters. So even if you don’t structure it like that, I think breaking it down into really small chunks is really helpful. It’s much more manageable, so you don’t think ‘Oh I have to write an entire twenty five page chapter over the course of this month,’ you think ‘I have to write five pages this week talking about this specific thing.’” On her favorite part of her thesis: “I love all of it. And it feels really special to say that because I could count on one hand the number of pieces of writing in my life that I’ve done and actually liked. But my favorite part is probably the first person memoir-esque writing that I do here, because it was very difficult to write but I’m very proud that it’s on the page now and that it’s part of this work.” What made those parts difficult to write? “It’s just emotional stuff. I mean I had a lot of really bad anxiety and depression caused by music, and that’s hard to write about. It’s stuff that I hadn’t thought about in years on purpose because it’s not fun to think about. But getting it written out here feels really cleansing. My therapist loves my thesis, she’s super proud of me!” If her thesis was a song/movie/tv show: “I’ve literally been thinking about this since I got the idea for this thesis sophomore year. There’s this song by a guy––a band, but it’s just one guy, called Radical Face––that’s called ‘More Clay than Stone,’ and it’s about using the distance from something and the power of memory and nostalgia to make things that happened to you less painful. And it’s a really hopeful and beautiful song, and I listened to it a lot while I was writing this.” On her most used word/phrase: “Probably ‘MPA’ which is the abbreviation for music performance anxiety. Actually I’m gonna look and see how often I use ‘therefore’… Only six times! Wow I’m killing it. I definitely cut a bunch of ‘therefore’s.” Theses feces: “Nothing of note to report, nothing out of the ordinary.” Kevin Le ‘22, (he/him) COL and English Major, Thesis in COL, Carrel #403. Working Title: “Last Will and Testament” On his topic: “That’s a really hard question to talk about. I mean, I was working on my abstract earlier today (because we have to do that now), and I was thinking about literature as legacy or a record or inheritance and was also thinking about like, to whom is literature intended? And I think that you know, everyone has the potential to receive literature and inherit it and enjoy it and to write their own. My topic, I guess, it’s a whole bunch of poems, and some prose, and some poetry manifestos that are elaborating on my continuing views of literature and poetry.” On how he thought of his topic: “In freshman year, I knew already that I wanted to write some sort of poetry collection, and when I joined COL, I knew that I had to do a thesis. And so I was already trying to write poetry. Beginning freshman year, sophomore year, it was really hard. In junior year, I took Techniques of Poetry. And you know, like I started writing poems more rapidly from that. I think I started writing my poems during the summer before senior year, and I just kept writing maybe like four or five every two weeks or every week. I did a lot of revision and I now have around 41 pages of poems.” On his progress: “Progress is rapid, very sudden and unpredictable. But it’s like a small seed and then becomes a seedling. You can’t really predict what it’s going to look like in the end. You can only grow and nurture it. I’m done but it’s done in the same way that, like, a grown tree is done, it’s like still growing” On his current mental state: “Honestly, I think with my thesis, I’m pretty happy with it. The thing is, I tried to get to like that 20 or 30 poem mark last semester, and once I accomplished that, there’s like very little stress this semester, except for when I have to talk about my poems in, not necessarily academic way, but like, in a way that tries to explain what the poems are doing.” On his most upsetting thesis experience: “Well, let’s just say that I had a pretty bad professor with whom we were interpreting poetry or poems in a certain class. I sort of like raised up a resistance against a dominant academic ideology or discourse. He didn’t like it. Then afterwards I felt that like, even as a writer of poetry, all my progress had been invalidated by this academic who knows more about poetry than poets do, apparently. I actually cried for a bit afterwards. I sort of cried about how like, ‘oh, no, it’s like, I don’t want poetry to be taken away from me.’ So that’s my most upsetting experience. But we’re all better now!” On his favorite form of procrastination: “I guess, like… Oh, I know. When I tried to write a whole bunch of like, prose essays for my thesis but they just ended up being completely unrelated. Like it was like I didn’t actually want to talk about my thesis a direct way. So I went about it more of an avant garde way which ended up not being related at all.” On his plans for after it’s turned in: “Once I hand in this thesis, I’m gonna be like, ‘Okay, bye.’ I’m gonna take a writing hiatus for the rest of the semester.” His advice for future thesis writers: “Honestly I would say begin early. The earlier that you can get some vision going, and the earlier that you can start to see work in progress, the less that you have to worry about fully forming something at the last minute. Also would say pick a good advisor. This is really important because some advisors would point out a central thing of that student’s thesis and say like, ‘Oh, you need cut that out.’” On his favorite part of his thesis: “It’s like it’s a poetry collection, but I really do like trying to find what font looks best.”What font is it in? “Palantino!” If his thesis was a song/movie/tv show: “It would be Debussy’s Clair de Lune!!”His most used word or phrase: “Oh God… the word ‘silver.’ You really gotta expose me like that!! Laughs ” A question he’d wished we’d asked: “Maybe like ‘what inspired your thesis.’ I already knew that I loved poetry. But to be honest, I was inspired to write this thesis in part by reading all these poetry collections, and a lot of that came from outside of what I’ve read in the classroom. It came from personal interest. I think that’s like a really major thing. So long as the thesis comes from like, personal interest that you will have done anyways, if you haven’t experienced that classroom, you have a lot of motivation and energy to see it through.” Phie Jacobs ‘22 (they/them). Biology and English double major with a concentration in creative writing, Thesis in English, Carrel # “I never used it” Title: “The Forgotten Name” On their topic: “Well, it’s a sort of pandemic thriller novel. It’s a creative novella that follows these two different characters coming from vastly different backgrounds, both navigating a deadly viral pandemic that’s sweeping the US.” On how they thought of their topic: “It actually was based on a book that I wrote in high school long before the COVID pandemic. It was a very different book. I also wrote it when I was a teenager. So obviously it was lower quality and I kind of put it away for a few years. And then when I got to thinking about what I wanted to do my thesis on, I thought I would, you know, try and reimagine that story with what I’ve learned in the COVID pandemic and to make it more relevant to today.” On their progress: “Well I ended up in the first semester, writing a lot of material for the first draft of the novel. I just wrote a ton of stuff. I edited what I’d written before, but I eventually kind of abandoned that to start writing new content. And then second semester was a lot of cutting all the stuff that I wrote in the first semester, and editing what I’d gotten down. So first semester was a lot of content creation and then second semester was a lot of editing.” On their current mental state: “I mean, I feel amazing now that I’m done! I’m partially enrolled, so I was just working on my thesis this semester. So once I turned it in, it was like, a huge weight had been lifted and I’m finished!” On their most upsetting thesis experience: “My most upsetting experience was not being able to go to the celebration because I was in Boston, looking at apartments for next year when my girlfriend and I both got tested positive for COVID. So I was stuck. I couldn’t travel. I was in quarantine and I couldn’t go to the celebration in front of Olin and that was very sad. This semester my thesis was the only thing I had been working on and so it really sucked to not be able to celebrate with everybody else. I did get to go to the little Prosecco party at Shapiro. Which was very nice.”  On their favorite form of procrastination: “I want to say just like sitting and mindlessly scrolling on things. Another great form of procrastination is doing a thing that is technically productive. You’re like ‘Oh, I’m not going to work on this. I’m going to do my laundry or I’m going to wash the dishes. Because that needs to get done.’ I think that’s probably the best form of procrastination. If you’re gonna procrastinate, it might as well be doing something that is productive.” On how they celebrated turning it in: “I didn’t really do anything. I was stuck in my room. I did have a makeup celebration because just me and one other person who’d also had COVID, Katelin Penner ‘22, where we popped champagne. I splurged on like an actually fancy bottle instead of buying the La Marca prosecco like I always do. laughs . Then I came home, made myself a cocktail, made myself egg salad sandwiches and sat outside with my friends.” Their advice for future thesis writers: “I think go into it knowing exactly what you are you have to submit at the end. Finding out that I had to have everything in 1.5 margins was like ‘Oh, my thesis actually has to be a lot shorter than I had originally thought it was going to be.’ I ended up only submitting an excerpt of what I originally thought I was going to submit. It’s especially difficult for a creative writing thesis where there’s lots of dialogue so you don’t have those big paragraphs and you end up getting fewer words on the page. And the page limits are really strictly enforced. So if I had known that going in, I probably wouldn’t have ended up writing and creating all this content that I then wasn’t able to submit.” On their favorite part of their thesis: “I’m very proud of some of the final ending chapters. I wrote it mostly in order, so those were the last things I wrote. I was very proud of them because my thesis was these two intersecting stories that mostly are going parallel and they don’t become intertwined until the end. I was very proud of the way that I finally intersected them.” If their thesis was a song/movie/TV show: “I did listen to a lot of Mitski while I was writing it. laughs . If it was a movie it would probably be one of those like road trip montage movies. I’ve never seen that movie Train to Busan but that’s a travel pandemic movie. So yeah, that.” Their most used word/phrase: “I could look it up. Can you do that? Can you find your most frequent word?… Oh, actually, probably the most used word is ‘noun’ because I use so many definitions. At the beginning of each chapter there’s a definition. It usually starts with blank ‘noun’, and then I give its definition in biology or in something else. So biology might be one of the most used words too.”  Any questions you wish I had asked? “I wish you’d asked me to read the entire thing out loud!”  Theses feces : “Oh, um I’d say not different from regular. Like, I wasn’t keeping track. I think that’s a great name for that question!”

This is our annual student activities fair, where you can schmooze, or more likely, be schmoozed, to your heart’s content This is part of our 2024 Unofficial Orientation Series. A quick reminder that you can check out the welcome post  here  and past years’ series  here . By the time classes start, you’ll likely be successfully moved into your dorm, blissfully free from your parents, and finally finding the time to figure your shit out. Soon, you’ll realize that you have a little too much time on your hands — and you might want to fill that time with Organized Social Activities. Thankfully for you, there are about 300 student groups at Wesleyan, so you have many, many options. Joining student groups is one of the best way to meet people outside of your dorm and in different class years. You could find best friends! Mentors! Something new about yourself! It’s all up to you. As your Orientation Leaders, advisers, and basically everyone else including me will tell you — stick to the Rule of Seven . Each class you take, group you join, job you have, and any other thing you might do counts as one commitment, and you should try to have only seven full-time commitments per semester. With a standard four-course load, that leaves three spots for you to fill with whatever the hell else you want. That’s what this post is for. Student Group Directory All student groups that are funded and sanctioned by the  Wesleyan Student Assembly  are managed and organized on Wesnest , whose picture is above. You may be wondering: what the hell is  Absent Toast  (it’s our fabulous Rocky Horror Picture Show Shadow Cast–v sexy, v fun)? You can find out by using your Wesleyan login to  browse all of the groups t hat are active on campus. This centralized system will help you find what you’re looking for, even if you’re not sure what that is yet. Student Activities Fair :  Friday, September 13th, 2024 (3:30pm-5:30pm) on Huss Lawn and Foss Hill. Be there or be square! (But actually, please don't miss it or else you will be struggling to join clubs later and regretting that you skipped it) The  WSA  holds a Student Activities Fair every year so that you can browse for your future all-consuming time commitment in person. You can talk to a real human if you have questions about the group, are trying to decide which dance group to join, or just want a bunch of free candy. As a past Wesleying editor wrote however many years ago that still rings true: Be careful though. I’m sure you’re excited to check out all that Wesleyan has to offer when it comes to student groups, and these student group leaders will be surely armed with candy or cookies, all in an effort to get you to simply sign up for their email listservs. Do this with caution. If you don’t see yourself joining the group at all or even participating in the group long-term, it’s best to avoid giving them your email and signing up. My email account still cries from freely signing up for too many things—they’ll never take you off the listserv, no matter how you beg. It’s true. You’ll probably put your email on ten different sheets of paper. You’ll emerge with pockets full of chocolate and emails out the wazoo. I would advise doing your research  before  you go to the fair so that you can seek out the tables of the groups you already know you’re interested in first. Create Your Own Copied and pasted from an old post because it is the same and very straight-forward: It’s sur prisingly easy to create your own student group. Student group registration is handled by the WSA, and recognition comes from  CoCo , or the  Community Committee . By registering with CoCo, you get access to the student activities fund handled by the  SBC , or  Student Budget Committee , and the  Student Involvement (OSI)  office, which comes in handy when you’re planning events or other group activities. Funds! Organization! Camaraderie! And hey — there’s a lot of pressure at Wesleyan to ~do it all,~ but stick to your gut, heed the Rule of Seven, and keep this semester comfortable. There’s always spring semester (and the next three years) to  make all the mistakes and  try new things. You could gleefully ignore the Rule and take five classes and join four clubs because  they’re all so cool,  but consider this: SLEEP. Sleep is a wonderful thing, and you won’t get nearly enough of it. Balancing fun and work and school is already a tough adjustment, don’t make it too hard on yourself by signing up for every single group at the student activity fair. That will almost certainly end with you crying on the first floor of Usdan by October. (And listen, it is okay to cry in Usdan. It seems like everyone is doing it.) Join a couple clubs and have fun, but don’t be afraid to take this semester/year to get your bearings first. The camaraderie will always be there for you. As a final Wesleying note, if you'd like to join our own little humble club, email us at wesleyingblog@gmail.com or fill out this form (coming soon!)

Orientation is a wild time. There are the parties you hear about people going to, but have no idea how to find. There are those first awkward meals with your hallmates/roommates. There are the nights when you curl up in bed with a picture of your best friends from high school and wonder why you didn’t just follow them to college. Our goal today is to teach you (nearly) everything you need to know in order to make the most out of your orientation experience! ~REGISTRATION~ Definitely count on meeting the cardinal on one of your first days here. No, not t he one tha t looks like an angry bird.  Before you do anything else, you’re going to want to register. Registration is usually in your assigned dorm hall. Basically, you’ll go down a line of tables and people will hand you important papers, wifi instructions, instructions for filing your W-9 tax form (important for anyone who’s planning on working a campus job). In addition to all that, you’ll get Wes swag to rock for the next 4 years, like your Wes2028 t-shirt (hopefully more stylish than the 2025 one), a reusable cup, and drawstring bags. Hang on to this stuff, they’re more useful than they seem, and you’ll thank yourself later when your parents are gone, and you have no idea what’s going on. MOVE-IN This is probably the most hectic part of the entire orientation process at Wes. Basically, depending on where your dorm is, you will be directed to bring your car/truck/whatever to a certain unloading location. There, you will get  everything  out of your car and into a taped-off section of ground so that your parents can move the car to a more permanent parking spot and make room for one of the other 800-and-something frosh trying to unload their stuff. While this is happening, you will go up to a table with orientation workers who will get you your room key and point you in the general direction of your new home for the next year. Then, student volunteers (usually athletes who had to move in early for pre-season practice) will help you move all your stuff from the unloading area to your room. There are some carts available, but you’re going to end up carrying a lot of stuff, so dress accordingly (and wear closed toed shoes – take it from someone who dropped  a mini-fridge on their toe during move in). #MoveInHack:  Label all of your stuff with your name and room number.  Get a roll of masking tape and a Sharpie, or if you’re feeling really fancy, print up some sticky labels. There’s going to be so much stuff everywhere, and you don’t want the box with your underwear and shower caddy accidentally ending up in some stranger’s room down the hall. (Trust me, you  will  want to shower and change as soon as you’re done moving in. It is HOT, and most of you won’t be fortunate enough to be living in Hotel Bennet with air conditioning.) Once all your things are in your room, you get to begin the fun process of fitting all the stuff you thought you needed into a room that is a solid 25% smaller than you pictured it being. If your mom is anything like mine, she will insist on organizing your shelf by genre, and title. But that’s okay, because she will be gone before you know it, and you’ll miss her organizational skills.   OFFICIAL ORIENTATION ACTIVITES Get ready to sit uncomfortably close to a complete stranger as we capture the class photo. This, and Graduation are probably the only times you’ll ever be with all 700-and-something people in your class year!  New Student Orientation rolled out a digital schedule on the app  Corq . To find the schedule for Official Orientation – download Corq onto your phone, and search search “Wesleyan New Student Orientation”. Click on download, and you’re good to go! Make sure to keep checking in for official details. Once the schedule is posted, you’ll notice that there are more sessions than you can possibly go to (and definitely way more than you’ll want to). Some sessions are listed as “mandatory,” and you really should do your best to attend all of those. While no one is going to track you down and drag you out of your newly-decorated dorm room, it really is important to show up to these sessions. In addition to providing you with important information as new members of the Wesleyan community, these are also great places to make some friends. Most of the mandatory sessions will be with your orientation group, so this is another great opportunity for ~bonding~. You’ll be sharing a campus with these people for a year, so it’s in your best interest to be on friendly terms with them. That is not to say that you’re going to be besties with your whole orientation group, but it’s much nicer to come home to a smile or a wave from your neighbors than awkwardly pretending you didn’t see each other to avoid having to interact. They’re also going to take a giant panoramic photo of the entire class on the steps behind Olin Library. It’s going to be hectic, but it’ll be a nice memory to look back on (and to find your friends/enemies//tinder matches in once it’s posted). You should definitely show up to this. Then there are all the other sessions. There are departmental open houses, meetings for groups like first-generation and low-income students, financial aid info sessions, ice cream mixers. Again, no one is forcing you to go to any of these, but if you have any questions, these are a really good way to get them answered. Also, going to these keeps you from being bored and alone in your room all day. As they tell you on the  Official Orientation website : “Some events are required as an essential part of Orientation. There will also many optional events, which you’ll be able to choose from according to your interests. Orientation programs will help you form a foundation for your college life, and students often find themselves at a disadvantage when they miss essential events. We have planned time for you to move in, and there is also free time during the weekend.” Some of my personal favorite events at orientation last year were: In the Company of Others and We Speak We Stand! Devon Cooper ’19  shares one of her favorite, non-mandatory orientation experiences: “Even if other people think something is super dorky cough cough square dancing in Andrus field, just DO IT! You will end up having tons of fun and being able to tell some pretty fun stories about it later :)” The best part about orientation is that you get to shape your own experience. Most of you won’t come into college knowing that many people, if any, and the only way to change that is to put yourself out there. Sit next to someone new. Compliment someone on their outfit/shoes/hair/music/other thing you can bond over. Reach out to the person standing alone and invite them to join you. The fact is, everyone is going to be a little overwhelmed by everything that comes along with being in a new place with new people, so no one is going to think you’re weird for being proactive and friendly. TL;DR:  Go to the mandatory sessions, go to the non-mandatory sessions, meet new people, have fun! UNOFFICIAL ACTIVITIES DURING OFFICIAL ORIENTATION An actual photo of you hanging with all your homies on Foss You’ll have plenty to do if you just go to the official orientation events, but we all know that there’s plenty of stuff that happens outside the official schedule. As good Wesleyan students, you’ll probably spend an afternoon or two lounging on Foss Hill with your ~orientation besties~. Don’t feel weird just walking up to a group of people chilling on Foss – that’s what this entire week is for. Then, there’s t he parties. For many of you, this will be your first foray into the world of non-parent-chaperoned partying. You may experience the ultimate orientation canon event of walking up and down Fountain Ave with a group of freshman on the hunt for parties (mortifying, but builds character). There may be drinking. There may be dancing. There may be hooking up in shady corners of houses that you don’t know how to find your way out of. The key to a fun orientation party experience is to follow the golden rule: everything in moderation (including moderation). The majority of ambulances are called within the first couple weeks of school as people learn their limits the hard way. Don't be that person!! There will be plenty of parties throughout the year. There will be plenty of times to drunkenly make out with a stranger (or two) on the dance floor. There will be plenty of time to see how bad of a hangover you can give yourself. Don’t feel compelled to have every college experience in the book during your first week. MAKING FRIENDS Orientation is the time when you’ll meet so many new people that you’ll begin to doubt that Wesleyan actually has less than 3,500 students. (Don’t worry, in a few months, you’ll start to realize exactly how small this place really is.) In order to help you on your journey to make those lifelong college friends that everyone gushes about, here are a few tips and tricks to use during orientation and beyond: Leave your door open When you’re in your room and you feel like being social (especially in all freshmen dorms), leaving your door open effortlessly increases the chances of meeting new people in your building, most importantly your hallmates. It sort of acts like an open invitation to passersby to say “hi.” You’re going to thank me for this when it’s freezing outside, and you have friends in your building/floor. Go to Usdan to eat Usdan is by far the most social eating space on campus. It’s almost always crowded during meal time, so it’s easy to bump into people and have simple, yet lasting conversation. There’s a good chance you might be in the sandwich line with that cool kid with the glasses from film class – what better way to get to know each other than to start a conversation about yesterday’s lecture? Especially early in the year, try eating with people you recognize. Lots of people are happy to have someone new to chat with during a meal. Are you going to be a loud side person or a quiet side person? As a side note – make friends with the Usdan workers and chefs; they wor k super hard and a smile and quick chat can make their shifts much more pleasant. ALSO, clean up after yourself! Just s mile and wave , boys. Just smile and wave!  This is a small campus; even though you won’t meet everyone, you’ll definitely start to notice a lot of the same faces once you form a routine. Don’t awkwardly look at the ground or pretend to answer a call you’re really not getting when you bump into familiar faces. Be friendly! Say hi! Smile as you pass! It’s not weird, trust me. I do it all the time and I haven’t been rejected yet. You never know who you will meet on your way to class. Go to events—and invite people to come with you Some of my closest friends were acquaintances I invited to performances, meals, or even walks to Rite Aid ( fakeshark:  RIP). It’s great to feel comfortable going to things alone, especially as schedules get busier, but it’s also really nice to have company. Especially if you get socially anxious, going to a Spike Tape show or a concert in the CFA is a great lowkey way to get to know someone: there’s a built-in conversation topic and activity, and you can always hang out afterwards if you hit it off. Get involved with student groups There are  SO many clubs, teams, and societies  on campus that it’s pretty hard  not  to be involved in some capacity. Being active on campus gives you an instant network of people that you share interests with. Many groups on campus also host lots of pre-games, outings and formals for its members, increasing the chances of friend-making even more. This is a great way to meet upperclassmen, and to expand your friend group beyond your hallmates, and/or orientation friends. Which leads me to… Have various different groups and relationships It’s easy to get really close really fast when you start college, and that’s a good thing! That being said, remember to spend time with different people. You and your roommate may get along really well, but if you spend all your time together, there’s likely to be some tension. Most of us are used to having distance from our friends—going home after high school, for example.  This distance is pretty important for a lot of relationships—don’t be afraid to take time for yourself and for other relationships. It’s okay if not all your friends know each other; it gives you an opportunity to explore different things and meet more people. Balance old and new friendships Maintaining relationships at home is important too: some of my best friends are people I’ve known since I was little. Don’t get too caught up in old relationships though—spending all your time on the phone with your best friend from home makes it hard to make new friends. As important as old friends are, having friends who understand your current environment and are physically there gets more and more valuable as you get settled at Wes. You’ll be a lot less homesick when you have new friends, and you’ll have more stories for your old friends anyway. Sometimes it’ll feel like you’re leading two different lives: one with your friends at Wes, and one with your friends back home. It’s pretty fun! Go out on the weekends—and follow up There’s tons to do on the weekends, especially when workloads are light and the weather is nice, still. Apart from parties, there are tons of art and performance events, both university and student-produced, sporting events, and student group activities. The weekends are also good opportunities to grab a meal in Middletown, or just to hang out with friends in their rooms or on Foss. Especially at the beginning of the year, you meet lots of people going out. Just talking to people when you’re drunk, however, isn’t the best way to make lasting friendships. If you have a cool conversation with someone in the Fountain backyards, say hi to them next time you see them. Invite them to grab a meal with you during the week. I know way too many people, myself included, with the tendency to awkwardly avoid people we meet at parties, which is super silly. Probably (hopefully) they remember you and were also into the conversation; if they don’t, you get to bond over their crazy night. Relax, nothing’s set in stone You’re going to make friends. You’re going to make friends you don’t stay friends with. You’re going to make acquaintance-friend hybrids you feel differently about over the course of your time at Wesleyan. You’re probably going to make friends you later hook up with and then feel really awkward around for a while. You’re going to end up with phone numbers of people you talked to twice during orientation. The point being, people will change and grow over the next four years and your relationships will change and grow with them. And though the couple days of orientation feels like literal ages, remind yourself that it’ll feel like a distant memory soon. Don’t stress if you don’t immediately find people you can see yourself being friends with forever. Keep making new friends—your random Usdan acquaintance might end up being your best friend later on. It often feels like everyone has a wonderful, permanent group of friends they’re completely thrilled with, but lots of people are open to new relationships, take advantage. Best of luck, new (and even returning!) students. Make lots of friends, maybe even some here at Wesleying! ADJUSTMENT, ADVISORS, AND COURSE SELECTION—OH MY! We know you’re freaking out about classes. There’s people who are here to help. Sometime during orientation, you’ll have a chance to sit down with several different people to help you plot out your academic trajectory for the next semester, year, or if you’ve really figured out your shit, four years. You’ll probably start off with a Peer Advisor. Each Orientation Group is assigned one of these students to help them get a better feel for what types of classes they may want to take. You’ll have the opportunity to meet with this person in both group and individual settings. Then, you’ll have both group and individual advising sessions with your faculty pre-major advisor. This person is usually assigned to you because they teach one of the courses you got during pre-registration, or teach in a department that you’ve expressed an interest in. It’s okay if they don’t end up actually being your teacher (I dropped the class my advisor taught immediately once adjustment began), or even in your intended major department, they’re still a great resource to help you navigate academics at Wes. One thing to keep in mind as you meet with your advisor is that they will likely not remain your advisor all four years. Once you declare a major, you will be assigned/select a major advisor in that department. While your pre-major advisor may not be able to give you tailored advice based on your specific academic interests, they can usually point you to someone who can. You will have to meet with your faculty advisor every semester during pre-registration/adjustment for them to approve your schedule. If you don’t, you may not be registered for classes. It is your responsibility to set up those meetings; think of it as one of your first adult-college-responsibilities. We hope this guide to ~Official~ Orientation helps you as you embark on your Wesleyan journey. If there’s anything you still have questions about (or we made a mistake somewhere), please reach out to us via Instagram or email , or in the comments!