Procrastination Destination: 10 Ways to Replace DKE House

1. A Dangerous Playground

   
   

   Imagine those playgrounds that you wanted to play on as a kid because they were semi-realistic/not made of plastic. This is the kind of playground that Wesleyan students need to play on. The non-plastic, naturalistic style is the perfect way to test student’s ability to survive in nature and weed out those too weak to survive.  

   
   

2. Housing!!

   
   

   

   Wesleyan University, 230 Washington St, Middletown, CT 06457

   
   

   Got stuck in MuHo next year? When you’re applying for a room change look no further than DKE: the perfect place to live. Whether the amazing, central location, the convivial atmosphere, or the semi-sinister air or past crimes, DKE has everything you need to have an interesting school year. 

   
   

3. WesThrift's New Locale

   
   

   Imagine WesThrift being open for more than 20 minutes when everyone’s eating lunch... I know what you're picturing—WesThrift inside DKE! Putting it in DKE would mean they can have an actually nice thrift store set up instead of through a dark basement tunnel. Additionally, it can house Sew What events because which Wes student doesn't love to sew?

   
   

4. Put those DKE men to work!

   
   

   

   
   

   Only male branch of WesBurlesque that is a 24/7 strip club/revolving sushi train restaurant. I mean, who doesn’t want their Gachapon handed to them by a beautiful cat-maid?

   
   

5. Trash center

   
   

6. Honor Board Court House for Public Hearings

   
   

   

   Behold Dean Judy

   The next time you drink too much and your friends (reluctantly) call PSafe (because your safety is more important than those 4 demerits), be prepared to face Dean Judy on the stand. She WILL call you out for your evening transgressions as well as every other embarrassing moment you’ve ever had. When she asks you what you had to drink and how much, she will shake her head and laugh at your response: “Jello Shots.”

7. New Science Building

   
   

   When the new science building is outdated in 6 months we’ll need a new, better science building to replace it. Only taking 5 years to build, this one will provide everything that Exely never would, including a new, expanded Pi Cafe (perhaps called Pi^2?).

   
   

8. The color hot pink

   
   

9. Put those DKE men to work!

   
   

   

   
   

   Gambling casino featuring DKE men as sexy waiters.

10. Porn studies department house

    Because this is a serious institution.

    
    

11. New Wesleying headquarters!